


Temporary Nothing

by DoIGetAStar_YouGetTheSun



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Multi, Sorry Patton, dont kill me, it hurts to be this hip B), loosely based off of my life, please tell me what you think guys, slight s mut?, this is my first fic sooo, why is Thomas so perfect?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:54:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28082004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoIGetAStar_YouGetTheSun/pseuds/DoIGetAStar_YouGetTheSun
Summary: This is like,, my first fic so ye. ~~sorry i'm awkward~~ but yeah. ill take suggestions. i probably wont do them though. XD there's a lotta angst
Relationships: Royality - Relationship, eventual prinxiety - Relationship
Comments: 10
Kudos: 5





	1. Beauty

I can see tiny waves. The sun is setting behind the rolling hills. Gentle breezes blow softly through his delicate curls, now I can see his face. There he is. I smile softly. He closes his eyes, his long eyelashes moving slightly in the breeze. My back is towards the sun; he's facing the sunset. He looks at me and smiles. I can't help but look away. My eyes are not worthy to gaze upon this beauty. I look back up, and he's breathing in the scent of the earth. I can hear the river next to me, lapping away at the dock nearby. There are a couple of birds, sweetly singing. Couples and friends are sitting outside together, laughing and giving each other hugs. Dogs are chasing children around out by the trees, away from me and him. I would be able to see the sunset in the reflection of his glasses that he had rested on the table, but I'm not paying attention to anything right now. Except him. He sighs. I stop breathing. His face goes from a smile to his resting face. I had to physically stop myself from reaching out to touch his face. I forced myself to start breathing again.

I love him. I love the way he cares about everything. I love the way he acts like nothing happened after he told a dumb joke. Oh, I love his dumb jokes. I have not the vocabulary to express my love for him. I will never deny my love, not on my own life. Everyone seems to think I'm just exaggerating my love for him, but know one knows the intensity. 

No one sees the lingering gazes, the soft touches. No one sees the snuggle after the banter. The continuous compliments. The gentle sex. The prolonged kisses. The warmth and comfort Patton provides is more than I can bear to imagine having taken away from me. The heavens themselves can only wish to have half the beauty as him. I can tell the universe is jealous of him, as it starts to rain lightly. It sends anything, just to get closer to him, to touch him, to hear him. It cannot take him away from me.

Me and Patton had met eight years back, all the way since sophomore year in highschool. As soon as we made eye contact, I knew. He was the one. He had the prettiest smile; he was my happy boy. He still is. I was a theater nerd, he was the school's little brother. Everyone loved him. But no one loved him as much as I did. 

"Maybe we should head inside", I thought. The patchy clouds were casting shadows here and there, slightly covering the glorious sunset. He opens his eyes, puts on his glasses and looks at me. My heart clenches, my lungs shrivel. He's gorgeous. 

"Want to go home?" Patton asks. I think about it. "Sure, lets go." As we get in the car and I think, I'm proposing to him soon.  
"What are you thinking about?" How much I don't deserve you. "Oh, nothing," I flash him a dazzling smile. "What do you wanna do when we get home?~" I waggle my eyebrows suggestively and Patton blushes, slapping me. "Roman!" I give him a pouty look. He blushes and smiles, kissing me on the nose. Oh boy, I think I might die. He's so gosh darn cute. 

We pull into the paved driveway, and I park the car, getting out to open Patton's door. He giggles, "Such a gentleman!" I smirk, and he unexpectedly kisses me. Sighing, he takes the advantage of slipping his tongue next to mine. We kiss up the sidewalk and inside the door, slamming it shut as he removes my shirt. He puts his mouth back on mine, working wet and fast. Moaning quietly, I pulled him into my arms, his legs wrapped around my body as i brought him into the bathroom. Turning on the shower, he gets undressed. I do to, but not after making a show of watching him. He giggles and blushes. We get in the shower, and sit on the floor of it. We talk about his day. He works at a bakery. His brother Shea is the boss, so Patton gets teased a lot. He asks about mine, I told him I've just been taking a day off. I said I've been feeling weird lately. I have been, but I wasn't going to tell him I spent all day choosing a ring for him. 

"Wash my hair, and I'll wash yours," he says sweetly. Damn it, this man is gonna be the death of me. "Which shampoo do you want to use, coconut or floral?" He scrunches his nose, adorably, thinking. "Mmmmmmm... I'll go with the flowery one." I smile at him. He smiles at me. When we get out of the shower, after a couple rounds and some tears, we snuggled in bed and fell asleep.

I love him.


	2. Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> snow lol idk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this sucks. i swear angst is coming tho

~timeskip brought to you by John "The Invincible" Stamos~

*After baking and pillow fighting*

"AAH! Roman! Put me down!" Roman had picked me up like a sack of potatoes and bodyslammed me onto the couch, laughing, "If you insist." We laughed until we were wore out. Roman looks at me fondly. He's so cute! "Roman, why are you looking at me like that?" I say with a smirk. "I want to kiss you breathless," he admits. I giggle; kisses? Ew! I let him kiss me though, because I love him. He's the handsomest man. He presses his perfect lips onto mine softly. He tastes like the brownie batter we made earlier. He pulled away and gave me the sweetest look. 

I met Roman eight years ago, and I'm so happy I did. I was hanging out with my friend group in drama, and I saw him standing there, in all his glory. He was wearing a very cute 50's style white dress, clunky high heels, white face paint, dark blush, fake eyelashes, and red lipstick. To top it off, he was wearing a blonde wig. He had looked ridiculous! He was playing a female role in a play, and the drama club had to make do with what resources they had. Even though he was being silly, my heart started beating faster. He smiled at me. I smiled back. I knew we were going to be best buddies!

We had pined over each other for months, and neither of us knew it! Roman and I ended up getting each other for secret santa, and in the gifts, we both had the idea to slip in a little love letter. 

I looked at Roman. His eyelashes brush his face in an angelic way. He opens his eyes again, there's a lustfulness to his gaze. "Do you want to go outside now? It started snowing when we stopped pillow fighting." *gAsP* I love snow! "Yeah, Let's go!" Roman flashes me a smile and helps me out of our comfy bed. 

“Love, do you know where my mittens are?” I watch Roman disappear into the laundry room. “I put them in the washer, but I didn’t take them out, do you want to use mine?” He walks back out of the room. He’s so tall. I decide to not wear any gloves. Kissing Roman on the mouth, i bring him outside by the hand. He starts leading the way, dragging me by the hand in the sunlit powder. 

He leads me down to the trail, down to our special spot, where we like to go for dates, or when we get in bad arguments. "Are we in a fight?" I ask, just to be sure. He hasn't mentioned a date yet. Roman looks at me with his pretty brown eyes, "No, at least I hope not. I just wanted to talk with you." He flashes a smile. I smile back. "Okay, I was just worried. What did you want to talk about?" There's those pretty eyes again. "You'll see," he laughs, and scoops me up, running down the trail, ignoring my screams of protest. He lets me down, and after I compose myself, he grabs something out of his pocket. I pay no attention.

I turn around and quickly form a snowball, eating half of it, planning on tossing the rest at Roman, when I see him on one knee. With a small box. Opened to reveal a small rose gold ring with a light-blue diamond. No. This can't be real. He doesn't love me that much. I tear up. I can't do this. He'll get disappointed in me, and he'll leave me.

"Patton." All my thoughts of doubt were gone when I look up at his eyes. "I don't have much else to say, aside from this: I love you. IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou. I cannot express how much I do! The only thing that can even come close to the feeling of love for you, is the fear that you may not love me as much as I do you. Will you.. marry me?" He looks up at me with those perfect eyes.

I burst into tears. He's such a sap. "Yes!" I exclaim as soon as I can breathe again. I tackle him onto the ground, smothering him in tiny kisses. He laughs away all of his previous jitters and sits up to place the ring on my finger. "It's perfect. Just like you," He says. He's so cute. I love him too much. "Aww, quit that. You're more perfect than me, and you know it." He helps me up and says, "Do I? I'm pretty sure you're the most perfect human being on this earth." I just giggle. 

When we got home we did.. stuff. After that, we snuggled up on the couch. Roman falls asleep on my shoulder. I look at my ring. He loves me. I love him.


	3. Life goes on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You'll see

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Angst~

_Roman's not home. Roman's at work. Roman would be worried if I told him I was sick. Roman needs to focus right now, and I'll be okay,_ I tell myself, as I'm vomiting my guts out. I'm just sick. I just caught a bug. I vomit blood. I hate blood. _What do I do?_ I'm scared. _Call Roman? No, he's busy. He won't mind if I call him, I just don't want him to rush home and die in a car crash._ I feel vomit rise in my throat again. My throat is already raw. I'm sweating. I can't breathe. _What do I do?!_

{~}

I get home from work, the drive home was peaceful. I thought about Patton on the way home. I think about him a lot. He's really pretty, and he's more than just a pretty face. He's so kind and smart. It's cute watching him try to figure out Rubik's cubes and puzzles. For some reason, I start getting anxiety. I pull into the driveway faster than I should have, and almost crash into the house. I jump out of the car, locking it.

"Patton, love, are you home?" I hear slight banging noises coming from the bathroom. I drop my belongings and run to him. I gasp; He's vomiting blood. "What happened?!" I kneel down to him, putting my hand on his back. He flings into my arms, crying inconsolably. He tries to explain something to me, but turns around and vomits again. " _Hospital-_ " he chokes out before throwing up again. I quickly get up and run to the door where I threw my jacket. I call 911 and explain the situation. 

I sit with Patton while he cries. I kiss him on the head, telling him _I'm sorry I couldn't come home sooner_ and _It'll be okay_. The ambulance shows up, taking a look at him. I ask if I can go with him, they say yes. I get in the ambulance with him. I haven't been in one since my best friend had attempted suicide. He ended up attempting again, succeeding. Patton helped me get through it. 

The EMTs put a mask over Patton's mouth and nose, knocking him out. Before he passed out, he grabbed my hand. I held his hand with tears in my eyes until we got to the hospital. They rush him inside, and tell me to wait in the waiting room. I call everyone I know. Within 15 minutes, the waiting room is going to be less empty. Until then, I decide to go to the coffeeshop. 

"Hello, I can take your order here," the barista says. I break down, sobbing. I don't know what's wrong with Patton. The barista must be used to it. She walks around the counter and wraps me in a hug. _The world needs more people like her._ I hug her back, and she rubs my shoulders. "Shh, it's okay. It's okay," she hums. That's the thing. I don't know if it's going to be okay. I mean, he was just vomiting. It's not too bad, but I don't know how long he has been. His throat sounded like it had been put inside a blender. I don't know if he's gonna be okay. 

"Here, let me get you something warm, it's on me." I nod and slowly lets go of her. I keep my head down low. While she makes me a hot chocolate, I text everyone to stop blowing up my phone. " _I don't know if he's okay yet, I'd tell you all as soon as I got any more info._ " The barista hands me the drink, giving me a warm sympathetic smile. "Here, and I hope everything goes well for you. Have a wonderful day." I manage a watery smile, saying _Thank you so much for being so sweet._ I rush back to the waiting room. I wait for five more minutes until Jameson, Ray, and Donna show up. They smother me in hugs. We sit in silence.

A doctor comes out, asking for me. I rush towards him. "Is he okay?" The doctor lead me into the hallways. "Not for much longer. I'm sorry to say he has stomach cancer. Someone diagnosed with stomach cancer typically survives for at least five years, but by the state of him right now, he won't last much longer. He also has stage 3 liver cancer. Did you know about this?" I felt dizzy.

This can't be. We were going to get married. We were going to be happy. "No- I- I don't understand. How come I've never noticed anything?" The doctor sighed. "Maybe he was hiding it from you? People tend to hide information from their loved ones, believing that it'd be better if they didn't kno-" "Where is he?" I need to see my love.

"He's in here, follow me." I follow the doctor. I can't lose another person. Why? Why does this happen? First, my parents, then my best friend, now my love? I'm in shock, I can't properly express my anger at the universe. All I want to do right now is be with my love. 

"Roro?" Patton quietly says. "Yes, Pat, It's me," I rush to his side, grab his hands and place them on my face as I cry uncontrollably. I need to be strong for Patton. No. This can't be happening. No. "Nonononononono Patton why? Why? What's going on love? Why are you sick?" I babble. Patton looks wore out. He says, "I'm so sorry. I should have never met you, you were already going through so much pain after-" he steadies his voice before continuing, "I should have never said yes, baby I'm so sorry I can't be perfect for you." "NO, PATTON. YOU ARE sO PERFECT, I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH DON'T EVER SAY THAT-" I'm sobbing inconsolably, the sounds of pain and heartbreak out in the world for the universe to hear. I can barely breathe. Patton is trying to get me to look at him. I can't.

I sniffle and look up. "How long?" I say with the most heartbroken voice. He sniffles, "T-two. Two months-" I tackle him in a hug. **The universe is a bitch. The universe is a fucking bitch. Yes, I'm angry. I'm angry at everyone who ever made any slight inconvenience to Patton, who doesn't get to live as long as everyone else does. As much as I do. I won't be able to live without him. He's my whole soul. He's my never ending source of love. He _taught_ me how to love. **

I scream into his pillow, clinging onto his fragile body. No. He can't do this to me. He will not die on me. I will not allow it. After about two hours of screaming and crying, I sit up. "What do we do?" "You need to go tell Jameson, Ray and Donna. Don't let them in here, though." Patton looked half dead. Hell, he was half dead. 

My heart has never felt such a pain as this. Nothing is bigger than pain. Fear is not bigger than pain. Love is not bigger than pain. He can't leave me.

"Okay," I manage to croak. I rush out to them, breaking down again. Telling them everything. They're devastated. I'm devastated.

He can't leave just like that. How do I make these the best two months? I don't fucking know. I don't know. I'm so hurt. I hurt so bad. Patton helps with my hurt. Patton's leaving. I'll hurt forever. I will hurt forever. I will never recover from this. HOW DARE THE UNIVERSE TAKE AWAY SOMETHING SO PURE, SOMETHING SO BEAUTIFUL? HOW CAN IT DO THAT? i CAN'T SURVIVE WITHOUT HIM, DAMNIT. Damn. Fuck. No. I can't. This is too much. I grab at my heart. I tear at my hair. It's the only thing keeping me together. 

He loves me so much. I love him too much.


	4. Why

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman is trying his best to prepare himself for his inevitable separation and something bad happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my computer just shuts down randomly so the chapters are going to be shorter but more frequent

I call my boss. I quit my job. I have to stay with Patton.

I walk back in Patton's hospital room. I love him so much. The pain inside me was unbearable. I look at him. Gosh, he's gorgeous. He's so gorgeous. What the hell am I going to do without him? Well, what else than to kill myself? Logan and Virgil will be utterly devastated but I don't think I can wait to see Patton in the afterlife.

"Patton, baby. Are you in any condition to come home? I need you." Patton looked at me. I swear I fall in love with him all over again when he does that. "Anything for you, Roro," he said softly. 

We get home after doing paperwork and phone calls. We go to the bedroom, and I spoil him for a couple hours. I'm never going to be able to do this after he's gone. He's trying to talk to me. I'm telling him I don't care. I tell him I'm never moving on. He's begging me to move on.

He starts to cry. I cry. We're both crying. I kiss him softly through my salty tears. I tell him I love him a thousand times. I cry until I vomit.

Patton passes out eventually. I carry him to the bathroom and wash him up with a rag in the bath. He lets his body go limp as I wash him and dress him. When he awakens he has a weird look on his perfect face.

"What are you thinking about?" I ask quietly. He looks at me with a look I can only describe as clairvoyance. "I'm not ready to die, Roman. I don't want to leave you on this rock. You'll be alone." I look down. "Don't remind me," I say quietly. My chest hurts, a burn that I'm not sure will ever be replaced. The fire of love is still in me, but the embers are becoming more prominent. Embers of heartbreak. Never in my life have I felt anything so soul-destroying.

He gives me a soft kiss. All negative thoughts promptly leave. I'm going to try my hardest to make these the best months of his life. 

"Are you tired?" I ask. He yawns, as if on cue. "Mm.. Yeah, a little bit, but was there something you wanted to do?"

Patton makes schedules. He likes to know what's happening so we can have scheduled time alone together. We can't stick to his schedule right now, but we can't just get up and sail the seven seas. Unless..

I shook my head softly, "No, nothing really. I wanted to go to the store for," I yawn, "For some body wash and something for dinner tonight. I'll do it later." He looks at me with his pretty eyeballs, just staring at me while I stare at him.

I'm getting tired.

I fall asleep and dream of him. I dream that he gets better and we get married, we get a dog. We adopt a son in my dream, and he's beautiful, just like his father. I hear a loud noise, like a door shutting. I assume it's all in my head.

* * *

He falls asleep while I watch him. I know I'm dying, I can feel it in my being. I'm ready to die, but I'm not ready to leave Roman to himself. 

_"Death never takes the wise man by surprise, he is always ready to go."_

Roman's asleep. He was worried about shopping. I'll go shopping for him. I stand up, staggering. Maybe I should've stayed in the hospital. No, I need to stay with Roman. For the most part. I'll get dinner, I'll make something that I know Roman likes. My life is about over, and I know Roman wants these last months to be the best, but they are going to be, because he'll be with me. So I want to spoil him, because sometimes he takes his life for granted.

I struggle to get my shoes on. I gag once, but I keep myself composed. On the way out, I accidentally slam the door shut. Getting in the car, I grab my phone to play some music. As I'm pulling out of the driveway, not really paying attention to the road. I pick a song, and when I look up the last thing I see is a car coming head-on, and the last thing I think about is Roman.

_"I love you" he used to say_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this whole thing was supposed to be longer than how fast its going now, but i have no ideas for filler chapters.

**Author's Note:**

> 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬  
> 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘯𝘶𝘮𝘣 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯  
> 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨  
> 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨  
> 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭  
> 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦  
> 𝘞𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘵𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘢𝘳𝘺  
> Temporary Nothing by Mxmtoon


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